How to Free Yourself from Negative Emotions & HEAL

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An exploration of how emotional intelligence and development, REAL and sustained spiritual healing, healing emotional wounds and personal growth only comes from EMBRACING our emotional selves. So what does this really mean, how does this affect our ability to love those we care about, and how do we begin? Inspiration for spiritual and personal development.

Emotions run our lives right? They influence the food we eat, every choice we make, how we interact with our friends, families, and the relationships we have (or don’t have) with others and with ourselves…..

Emotions drive everything.

Although confronting to really acknowledge & see, this is SO liberating! Our emotions can either rule us, or we can empower ourselves by embracing them, allowing them to be the guide they were designed to be.

Healing emotional wounds

What MOST of us do

Unfortunately, most of us haven’t been taught how to do that, so we’re at the mercy of our emotions. Not only have they become suppressed and distorted, but we’ve learned, in our childhood usually, to judge our emotions and to control them at all cost!


What about ‘Therapy’?

Counseling and many types of therapy out there aim to release these suppressed emotions in order to dissolve symptoms that may have lead you to seek help – i.e. insomnia, back pain, chronic illness, recurring relationship issues, poor self-esteem etc.

However these therapy’s can only be of real value when our own personal intention is to deal with the root of the issue, & when we’re willing to feel & release the emotions creating the blockage & therefore the problem.

Most people go to a therapist or ‘healer’ with an intention to get away from their ‘pain’ or discomfort. They just want the therapist to take their pain away…..this can work temporarily but is NEVER permanent.

So at best we may get some relief but have then created a dependence on that therapy, and have to keep going back.

Have we got our blinders on?

It’s amazing how well we’ve all learned how to avoid feeling our more uncomfortable emotions, and how easily we can manipulate our environment to avoid feeling them.

We all have something we want to turn a blind eye to, and avoid at ALL costs!

The reason we do this is we’ve been taught to judge certain emotions rather than accepting them as part of our emotional experience. Is there even such a thing as a ‘negative emotion?

I love this Miriam Greenspan quote:

‘There are no negative emotions, just unskilled ways of coping with emotions’

Us women want to avoid our fears, and often want our partners to make us feel safe so that we can live our whole lives and not confront any of our major fears!

Men most often want to avoid their grief and sadness.

Lovers in sun beams

The Love Connection

Why am I bringing it back to Love?

Well isn’t that what true spirituality is all about?

Being able to love others, unconditionally. Particularly our partners as this is often the most challenging.

So what I’ve realized over time is this.  If I expect my partner (in particular, but anyone really) to make me feel loved, safe or secure or special, or good about myself in some way, basically to help me to continue to suppress painful feelings – then I am out of harmony with real love.

It’s actually not really loving to be projecting a demand that my partner perform a role for me. If I love him unconditionally I will want him to be FREE to be himself.

Of course, if my partner genuinely wants to love and support me in any way, then this is beautiful. But if he’s doing it because it is expected of him, part of his role in our relationship, then this is no longer real, unconditional love.

True loving support allows me to feel all of my emotions, in order to release suppressed emotions from within my soul and to actually heal and make positive changes in my life.

Real love wants the real me.

There is no intellectual reasoning, compromise or barter in real love.

Real love is a true connection and exchange of energy, allowing you to remain present in each exchange and able to feel HONESTLY what you’re feeling. It is the most beautiful transparent exchange of truth.

There’s NO hiding.

Raising happy kids

If feelings of fear, shame, anger or grief come up and are not owned and allowed, the connection stops, and we are hidden behind our shut down hearts again. And we’ll immediately feel distant from our partner or the people around us.


So HOW do I embrace emotions when I am PROGRAMED to avoid them!?

Good question  🙂

With a LOT of patience towards yourself. It will take TIME to slowly peel away the blocks, and that’s OKAY.

We’ve been taught that crying or being afraid makes us weak, but really the OPPOSITE is true.

It really is time to let go of generations-old, untrue perceptions of emotion & crying.

It’s good to cry. It is healthy to cry. It’s BRAVE to cry.

Tears help us to see – both literally/physically, AND metaphysically.

Tears allow us to live with our hearts open.

When we don’t allow emotion and tears to flow we become numb, hard, joyless, we set ourselves up for depression.


post partum depression & anxiety

I‘m always grateful when I can cry (when needed), it feels cleansing and SO much better to be soft and allowing rather than letting emotions lodge in my body, which hardens and contracts and manifests as fatigue, depression, pain and illness.

I used to be VERY emotionally shut down and intellectually dominant. Many walls up around my heart. It has taken YEARS to peel off some of the layers.


Here are 2 tips which helped me get started:

  1. Get PRESENT. Learn Mindfulness & Grounding techniques that work for you as an individual. This will start to connect you to your body, where all your emotions are held in.
  2. Notice how you are breathing. Your breathing is likely shallow and restricted and shutting you down. Start to cultivate an expansive breath, allowing your whole diaphragm to expand and soften.

These 2 things alone can be very powerful to help you to start connecting to yourself and open your heart 🙂

We don’t have to be ‘strong’ and have it all together all the time Mumma’s!

In that place we are closed down and hard. Try softening just a little, even when it feels scary (!)  and watch your relationships improve.


REAL Personal Growth

A sincere desire for honesty and authenticity is required for any real personal growth, on a deep level. We need to be willing to really see ourselves and know ourselves, warts and all.

‘Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.’ – Rumi

I sometimes pray (to me, this is simply a heartfelt desire, I’m not religious) for opportunities to release emotions that are preventing me from being more open to more truth and love.

Every event that triggers us emotionally is an opportunity to access & clear an old locked up emotion. Embrace it!

I‘m not suggesting to go digging for these emotions or getting hung up on the past, but just to be open when something presents itself, rather than distract yourself, intellectualize it away and shut it down.

Hey let’s face it, this is what MOST of us do MOST of the time

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Healing emotional wounds

The Healing Power of Tears

Biochemist and “tear expert” Dr. William Frey discovered that reflex tears are 98% water, whereas emotional tears also contain stress hormones which get excreted from the body through crying.

Crying stimulates the production of endorphins, our body’s natural painkiller and “feel-good” hormones.”

Weeping woman


In addition to physical detoxification, emotional tears heal the heart.


Crying (Eventually) Makes You Feel Better

According to Dr. Mercola, a recent study published in Motivation and Emotion found crying actually makes you feel better.

The research involved 60 people who watched an emotional movie and had their moods assessed immediately after as well as 20 and 90 minutes later. Those who cried during the film had significantly increased negative moods right after while non-criers’ moods remained unchanged.

By the next measurement, the criers’ moods had returned to baseline but, interestingly, by the final measurement, their moods had not only recovered but also were enhanced compared to their earlier measurements.

Personally, I don’t need a scientific study to tell me when I know how much better, in EVERY way, I feel after a deep cry!

Even if the problem persists!


By the way, I’ve found there’s a BIG difference between a deep cry and what I call a ‘victim cry’ which just keeps you stuck. ‘Victim cries’ can feel a little bit relieving but in order to really GROW you have to go deeper and really own it.

Questions like ‘Why have I created this experience?’ ‘How do I really feel about it?’ can be helpful)


The Law of Attraction at Work

My whole life I attracted relationships with men who don’t really care. Only when I started to let the grief out of feeling uncared for by my father, this began to change. I’ve attracted and created quite a different relationship now.

We choose how many times these events need to be repeated in our lives in order for us to get the message and deal with the blocked emotion. It is up to us how long it takes!

Remember, it’s all just blocked emotional energy. These emotions are NOT who you are! Don’t let your emotions define you. You are a pristine soul underneath!

You’ll know when the emotional wound is gone – when you no longer create events, or symptoms in your body, to evoke that emotion – then you’ve released it for good!

The law of attraction is being demonstrated every second of every day, helping us grow and take responsibility for all of our feelings…..


You want strength? …… admit your weakness.

You seek love?…… embrace your fears.

You want joy?……embrace your sadness


Like it or not, we are emotional beings – Energy in MOTION

A very young child knows this instinctively, so be guided by their example – no judgment, no resistance – and allow this to guide you back to who you truly are!

You may also be interested in reading 15 Healthy Ways to Deal with Stress Effectively, and 3 Steps to becoming a Calm Mum


Over To You

I’m curious, as ever, about you! How do you go with expressing how you feel? What works for you? How do you feel after you’ve had a good emotional release?


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Healing emotional wounds



About the Author:

Sam Sundara is the creator of Holistic Mumma, a passionate writer, health coach, educator, and mum. With a background of 18 years as a natural therapist, in community services & counselling and a passion for spiritual psychology, Sam offers a holistic view to parenting & wellbeing.


  1. Hayley February 10, 2018 at 10:25 pm - Reply

    I LOVE this! There are so many things in this article that resonate with me. It’s relieving to give yourself permission to feel & be real

    • Sam Sundara February 11, 2018 at 3:33 am - Reply

      SO true Hayley, I’m so glad you enjoyed it! <3

  2. Pappi February 10, 2018 at 4:08 am - Reply

    Great advice Sam, and definitely a topic we all need lessons on like you suggested. Emotions rule our lives in so many areas it’s hard to know where to start when trying to deal with them. I’d suggest taking tiny steps and build up to the deep emotions you spoke of that way you’ll have built the confidence and self-esteem to weather the storm they bring along when challenged. One more thing I think we need to remember is every thought has an emotion attached to it and every emotion has a thought attached to it. So, in reality, we are living in the thoughts of our minds. Really great usable information here, thanks,


    • Sam Sundara February 11, 2018 at 3:21 am - Reply

      Thanks Pappi, yes I think in an ideal or more loving world we would be learning about emotions and love before anything else!! 🙂
      I very much believe that emotions come first, since this is our first experience. As babies we lived in a purely emotional world and experienced everything emotionally, then the intellect develops later and starts to attach thoughts & beliefs to emotions. But yes little steps is the way, developing faith that you’ll be okay and that feeling emotions does not make the emotion true or real, but is simply necessary to express what is not true in order to release it, and experience what IS true 🙂

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